First of all define romantic! You wake a man in the middle of the night to chat? Is that your idea of being romantic? Waking a man up to chat when you know he has to work in the morning? What do you want to talk about that cannot wait till the next day? Forget all those things our parents did when we were growing up, this is not the time, save it for emergencies, waking up a sleeping man for something that's not an emergency is never a good idea. .
If your husband is a workaholic and all he does is talk about sub-sea engineering and installations then don't think you can change him. And for those single ladies who want to start their very own Ultimate Search (romance edition), think again. "Mills and Boon" is very different from reality so don't have unrealistic ideals about marriage. The Honeymoon is over. He has beat out the competition and secured the prize "you" his wife, so he no longer feels the need to make you feel special or significant just bearing his last name is supposed to satisfy you and be enough. But it isn't, is it?That said, remember on your wedding day you said "I do" therefore, YOU DO have a major part to play. If you long for romance, take the bull by the horns and instigate it. A close observation of human beings will make it clear to you that humans mirror each other.
So, then make things more playful and spontaneous. Romance shouldn't feel like work. Before he gets home from work run a bubble bath, help him take off his shirt. After serving his food, offer him a massage. He will wonder what has come over you. In your sweetest voice, tell him that you love him, but you need to feel appreciated and desirable. Do not move your head side to side in an Egyptian fashion with a hand on your hip whilst you do this. (You know what I mean? Like when a black person is angry or talking with attitude, they sort of jut their head side to side and it's just the chin moving... I find a lot of us black women seem to do this). If you are one of them, it needs to be addressed..
You'd need to take one day at a time and communicate to him how you want to be loved and give him concrete examples of how you define romance. He may be working his behind off doing things he thinks are romantic, wondering why you are not satisfied. He's not in your head, he can't feel what you feel. So demonstrate, explain, use analogies, similes, what ever it takes to help him understand how you feel.
Please listen to him, learn what seems romantic to him so you can recognize his efforts at being romantic. When you see him trying, encourage him in the best way you know how.
By Ijeoma Olujekun
Read more inspirational articles on Ijeoma's website Covenant Relationships
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