Are You A Lady?

Hey lady! This is the way every African woman wants to be addressed (Thanks to the late Fela Anikulapo kuti). We often want to be well addressed and rightly treated by the opposite sex. But how many of us are ready to do those things that will make them treat us the right way? How many women are knowledgeable when it comes to simple etiquette?

Simple etiquette is not about good clothes, shoes, bags, and make-up. You can wear the most expensive designer and still be an object of mockery. You are not a lady because you have some good cash in your bank account and you are married to the richest man in town. Being a lady is more about your carriage; how you sit, walk, stand, talk, look, laugh, and so on. Okay, let us look at those attributes that make you a proper lady

A lady does not fight or exchange words in public. I feel so ashamed of myself when I see ladies, well dressed ladies, exchanging words and in some cases, step out of their vehicles to fight.

A lady eats honourably in public gatherings; she does not take spare bags along for take-away.  I see ladies, especially the owambe ladies in Lagos State, entering party venues with beautiful gift bags. I used to believe they are for their gifts to the celebrant until I was corrected. What is new about the food and drinks? Must you disgrace yourself and stand up fighting for food? You think people don’t see you, but your name is all over the place and that has become your trademark.

A lady knows how to fix breakfast, lunch, and dinner for family and friends; she spends less on restaurants. I wonder when I see husbands and children carry food flasks to restaurants in the morning just because mummy could not serve breakfast. It is sad that some husbands now eat food prepared by other women in their own house. The man is busy enjoying his local delicacy believing his wife is the best cook on earth without knowing that all she can prepare is fried rice and Indomie. 
Some women now pay restaurant operators to make different kinds of soup which they leave in their freezer for oga and his visitors. Sir, it is time you show how romantic you can be by volunteering to help out in the kitchen while she prepares your favourite soup fresh in your presence.
A lady does not go vulgar; she knows what not to say. Some women are now worse than area boys. All we now hear from them are dirty words and senseless ways of greeting. Women now go for nicknames that tell people they are nothing but street girls.

A real lady will never get involved in illegal businesses just because she wants to belong. Are you a drug baron or courier? Do you get involved in human trafficking and fraud? Are you one of those stealing from public treasury? Are you into giving and taking of bribes? I don’t care how many shops you have as cover up and the number of chieftaincy titles received, you are not a lady; you are just a disgrace to womanhood.

A lady knows that brushing last thing at night is a must and she gets her man to imbibe the habit. She takes it easy and often times, stays away when it comes to alcohol. She dances, but never like a maniac and psychiatric patient.

A lady knows that her feminine body must be treated specially and so she does not open her legs to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. A lady does not sell her body for some useless contracts or employments. A lady does not play the kind of game played by most ladies in Abuja, Lagos, and Port Harcourt. They get involved in all sorts of filthy things like visiting a juju priest, spiritual houses and sleeping with dead bodies just to get men to grant their requests. She is not that filthy and stinking. She lives her life one day at a time and knows that all she needs to survive is the grace of God. I must warn you at this point; if you are one of these ladies, get ready because every gift of the devil has an expiry date and it is always disastrous when that day comes.

She wipes gently, with wet wipes, her private part after urination. How many women know what it means to have wet wipes in their handbags? We bother more about designer make-up in our handbag but never about good body care.

A lady dresses and flaunts her God given curves without exposing what should be covered. She wears what accentuates her body and beauty without selling herself cheap.

A lady knows that make-up helps to enhance her beauty and so she is cautious not to allow it make her a masquerade. She knows that the silkier a woman’s body is the more feminine she looks to her man and so she uses the right moisturizer and oil for her body; never bleaching creams.
If she can’t afford to change her weaves at least every two weeks, she avoids wearing one because she knows that ours is a very hot climate and her man must breathe well at night.  She does not wear her bra for one week before washing. She knows that cotton panties and underwear help her body breathe properly and so she is not attracted to those beautiful and sexy ones that are not cotton because her body is cherished.

She knows that her body is very expensive and she was bought with a price. Because her body is very expensive, she does not allow anything like tattoo on her because she knows they are not for royals.

A real lady knows that she is nothing without God and so she loves to fellowship with Him and draws her man to His presence. She does not draw her man close to night clubs and high society parties; she takes him to God’s presence because she knows that it is only in His presence that he is changed to become a real man.

A real lady is never desperate for worldly titles and fame; she goes for the real thing. She is not against fame but she is not ready to sell herself cheap to the devil and his cohorts in form of men just to have those good things.

A real lady is never fake; she remembers where she is coming from. She does not pretend to be Dangote’s daughter when her mother is in the village selling baskets. She is forever proud of her background. She does not claim to have attended schools she never attended just to impress fellow humans. Like me, she could have attended community primary and secondary schools in the village, but she is never ashamed to talk about them because she knows that does not define who she is. She knows that it is not where we are coming from that matters; it is where we are and where we are going to.

A real lady loves knowledge; she spends money on books. It is sad when you see ladies uninformed in politics and leadership. Talk about the fake people of E channel and Nollywood, they are there. But ask them to tell you the capital of Tanzania and you hear it is Kenya. Ask about world war 11 and you will know that it ended on the 1^st of October 1960. To these ladies, Obama’s running mate was Hillary Clinton. But talk about the date Kim Kardashian’s marriage ended and you hear the weekday and time. Ladies, go and read to understand your world.

A real lady knows the ABCs of body care and fashion. She does not use pregnancy and childbirth as excuses for a protruding tummy. That you had all your children through caesarean section is never an acceptable excuse for a big tummy; go do something about it.

She knows she is an asset to any man in her life and so she does not force herself on men. She does not play unnecessary games just to get a man to marry her. A lady does not fight another woman for a man; she knows her worth and trusts God.

A lady does not pull her pant in public neither does she leave the house until she has properly looked at herself in the mirror to be sure there are no panty lines. She dresses for her body shape and wears her hair for her face type.

When she talks on phone, she is the lady she is when her phone rings. She speaks the way a lady should speak on phone and is never hasty with words. She does not disturb colleagues at work just because she wants them to know that her man is hosting a party for her.

A lady does not lie to impress anyone because she knows that it is absolutely unnecessary; she will not claim to be in Lagos when she is in Abuja. She reminds herself that her life could end where she is and so she asks herself some questions to know that there is no need for such lies. Are you a lady?

Written by  Amara Blessing